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title
Exile of Xingnan
description
Returning once again...
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Exile of Xingnan
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2026-02-22 17:58:57
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Exile of Xingnan | Returning once again… Skip to content Exile of Xingnan Returning once again… Home About 美玲 Scared February 26, 2021 I wanted to paraphrase myself, as my tummy is in knots just thinking about going back: Am I important to her? I would like to think I am, that she thinks of me, but I really don’t know anymore. Self-loathing rises in me, that I can’t just be the grateful, content adult adoptee everyone expects of me, that I want to reach out to existential ghosts that I cannot communicate with. Self-loathing rises in me, because my language skills are so poor I would need a third party to say anything of value. It’s been ten years. Ten years of silence. I wonder if my Mandarin is still good enough that I can survive. I have always been the most afraid of greeting my mother, of disappointing her, wondering if I am simply disrupting her emotions/life every time I step back in. She has always seemed happy to see me, but still… Leave a comment fr...
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