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created at
2025-10-30 11:24:36
updated at
2025-12-03 17:03:58
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https://12o1.substack.com/p/eyes-back
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I wanted you to believe in a reality where I am good, so I said I was, and it was true to you. I said so because I wanted it to be true to me, too. I needed you to believe it.I wanted you to understand that there is a place in me that is overgrown— the paths are dead and covered by rotting logs, pond scum grows in puddles, wildflowers bloom in secret— because no one has been there for a long time. It’s all gone wild. The mist and the rivers moving deep under thick ice are products of my heart. They keep me safe by keeping me impossible to traverse. I wanted you to understand that this place is deadly, and you will not be entering it, because it is not designed to be entered. But I’ll let you see some of it from the outside. I wanted you to be satisfied with how much/little of it you can see, and I wanted you to believe me when I tell you about it without needing me to provide evidence to back up my claims.I wanted to lie to you.I was fourteen years old when I was, to my memory, the mos...
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Lee
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