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created at
2025-12-03 04:34:51
updated at
2025-12-03 04:34:53
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https://12o1.substack.com/p/interlude-a-runaway-note-for-my-mother
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2025-08-06 12:08:20
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Hey.I’m alright. I’m doing good, I swear. No more playing with matches— I stopped all of that when I almost burnt the house down. I was so little then, just a baby screaming at you to wake up and help me. There was a moment when I wanted the house to burn down with you in it, still asleep, but I’d never tell you that. I have a weird fear that you’re going to figure me out one day and lock me away. I have a weird fear that I’m going to figure you out and realize just how much I’m looking in a mirror. All of this to say: I am scared of losing my autonomy to you.I came out of you dead. It’s not particularly your fault, but it’s not mine, either. I don’t know what to do with that. I want someone to blame. Maybe it was God, but then God also brought me back. I don’t see the point of that. Like multiplying 1 by 1.I miss you, but I’d also never tell you that. Or that I love you. I haven’t said that since eighth grade because I told myself I didn’t want to lie anymore. I miss you like I missed...
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Lee
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