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created at

2025-12-03 06:18:36

updated at

2025-12-03 06:18:36

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title

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Entry titled “October”, 11/5/2024, 3:11 p.m. In a notebook. I don’t actually remember October. Everything but flashes of dreams I had is lost to me. If I was awake, I had not woken. My body must have moved of its own accord, legs like clockwork, to the bathroom or kitchen or back up the stairs. The dreams were closer to life than the dream I was living— worlds unraveled inside me, dressed in colors so rich it hurt my mouth to look at them. It was an aching under the tongue to see red. I unearthed the paracosms of my childhood from necessity or boredom or both, and now everything I dreamed in October is stuck inside that fantasy world, and the real things that happened in October are gone with the wind. A lot of my life went similarly, I think. I’ve started to realize that I can hardly remember anything about myself or the things that have happened to me. I got less smart within myself, walking into the canyons and voids that sit in the place of memories. I didn’t realize there were so ...

author

Lee

updated

1768413807

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